


Where'd You Go?

by ProblematicPines



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abandonment, Abandonment Issues, Angst, Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Drift Away, Gen, Pink Diamond is a bitch, Pre-Canon, Self-Denial, Spinel deserves so much more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 09:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20580419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProblematicPines/pseuds/ProblematicPines
Summary: One thousand and twenty-one…One thousand and twenty-two…One thousand and twenty-three…One thousand and twenty-four.That was the exact amount of stars Spinel saw in the black void encapsulating the floating conservatory in space. They twinkled down at her, her only respite from the crippling loneliness she felt. Ever since the plants in the Garden, once lush and green and beautiful, had withered away and died, she only had counting stars to pass the time.And she had counted them.So many times.So, so, so many times.Five hundred and fourty-seven times, the last time she checked.





	Where'd You Go?

_ One thousand and twenty-one… _

_ One thousand and twenty-two… _

_ One thousand and twenty-three… _

_ One thousand and twenty-four. _

That was the exact amount of stars Spinel saw in the black void encapsulating the floating conservatory in space. They twinkled down at her, her only respite from the crippling loneliness she felt. Ever since the plants in the Garden, once lush and green and beautiful, had withered away and died, she only had counting stars to pass the time.

And she had counted them.

So many times.

So, so, so many times.

Five hundred and fourty-seven times, the last time she checked.

Spinel exhaled haggardly, allowing herself to slump over a little.

Everything ached. Her back, from standing so impossibly straight for so long. Her hands, from being clasped in a polite and attentive grasp that had caused her gloved fingers to sting from lack of use in so many centuries.

A lock of pink hair, messy and long having since outgrown her heart-shaped buns, fell in front of Spinel’s face. She puffed at it, hoping to make it move, but it remained still.

She didn’t reach up to remove it.

What if Pink Diamond returned while she did? Did she really want her bestest friend in the whole world to catch her in such a state of disarray? No, Spinel was better suited to taking the safe option by standing as still and as silent as she had done all these years. 

She peered down at her feet, searching for anything that could occupy her attention. All she saw was a tangle of roots and vines snaking around her legs, completely concealing her big pink boots from her sight.

There were no flowers in the undergrowth; they had perished long, long ago, when the fountain had dried up and took the rest of the garden with it. Spinel frowned; she liked the flowers. They had come in so many different pretty colours and shapes. She had watched them all curl up and wither, becoming shrivelled brown things that lacked any beauty they had before. They had taken years, yes, but Spinel had been forced to watch them all die.  
  


Spinel supposed she was like those flowers, in a way; once pretty and full of life, now dull and lifeless, practically dead on her feet.

There was a term that Spinel associated with such a bleak, forgettable existence, but it was on the outerskirts of her mind. Try as she mind, she couldn’t bring it into the spotlight.

Loneliness was a synonym, she knew that.

As was pain.

_“Abandonment?”_ Spinel pondered, rolling the word over and over in her mind. She didn’t entertain the thought for more than a second.

No, of course not. Pink didn’t abandon her. They were just playing a game, that was all.

Spinel liked games. Specifically, she liked playing games with her Diamond, especially when Pink was in the mood for some cheering up after yet another emotional row with the other Diamonds. Whether it be juggling, making daisy chains with the pretty flowers in the Garden, or playing tag in this tiny corner of the cosmos reserved just for the two of them, Spinel had been there for Pink when she needed her the most.

Actually...she had enjoyed playing games with Pink. The two of them hadn’t played another game in years. Centuries, even.

_“But you can’t play two games at the same time,”_ Spinel chastised herself. _“Silly Spinel.”_

Pink Diamond couldn’t entertain herself with juggling while she was playing this mysterious game with Spinel that had stretched on for eons.

Eons of standing silent, smiling, and patient in a garden that had since grotesquely overgrown with tangled wildlife before withering away into stinking, colourless tangles of flora. It was only natural, Spinel assumed. Pink had informed her years ago about how not all life forms lasted forever like Gems did. These plants were such life-forms. Without sufficient water and sunlight, they would die.

_“Will I die?”_ Spinel asked herself.

Would she ever curl up like a flower, crumple into nothing, become one with the dead plants surrounding her? Would Pink Diamond return to finish their game, only to find her Gemstone lying among the vines, no longer shining and bright, instead faded and unappealing?

_ “Maybe.” _

Spinel winced; the pain in her back was spiking up again, so she straightened her back and stared back at the Warp Pad sitting desolate across the Garden. Even from here, Spinel could see how much duller it had gotten since Pink had left. Back then, like the rest of the garden, it was a brilliant, shining blue, radiating beams of shimmering light. Now, it was covered with a thick layer of tangled vines, and lacked any colour whatsoever.

It was a miserable sight, though nowhere near as miserable as how Spinel felt about her situation.

_“Where’d you go?”_ she wondered, hoping against hope that her pleading thoughts would somehow traverse the cosmos to insert themselves in Pink’s mind, alerting her Diamond to her devoted friend still waiting for her to return. _“I miss you so.”_

Tears stung Spinel’s eyes for the first time in centuries; hot, bubbling, and full of despair Spinel had been holding in for far far far too long.

_ “Seems like it’s been forever since you’ve been gone.” _

A choked, blubbering sob escaped Spinel’s mouth. It was the very first sound she’d actually made in so long, and for a moment, she didn’t even know that she was the one who had made it. She hadn’t heard her own voice in so long, much less her own heartbroken sobs.

The sob turned into a keening wail, then a full-on bawl. She shook, doubling over. The sharp pain from moving so much in so long was enough to almost send Spinel to her knees, but she caught herself just in time; she straightened back up again, trying her best to ignore the screaming pain in her back, and the urge to scream building in her throat.

_“Stop it, stop it, stop it,”_ she willed herself, rapidly blinking away the tears that stung her pink cheeks. _“Pink won’t want you back if she sees you back like this. It’s just a game, Spinel. Just a game. Just a game.”_

Spinel choked down the rest of her sobs, and inadvertently drooled a little. She must have looked a total mess; hair askew, eyes reddened with tears, mouth quivering and dripping strings of saliva onto the ground.

Pink wouldn’t want her back like this.

Pink wouldn’t want to play with somebody like her anymore.

So Spinel did her absolute best to force a smile back on her face, even though it turned into an ugly grimace. When that turned out to be a futile effort, Spinel let her smile fall, and instead focused her attention back on the stars twinkling above her in the black void.

She started counting them again, for the five hundred and seventy-eighth time.

It always helped distract her from her crippling loneliness, and always dried her tears. Even though her tears made the stars double, triple, merge together in a stinging shimmer of white specks on an infinity of blackness.

_ One… _

_ Two… _

_ Three… _

_ Four... _

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever Steven Universe Fic!
> 
> I was intending on making my first ever SU Fic a Lapidot one, but since I watched the movie when it premiered earlier this week, I have been obsessed with Spinel. She is such a tragic yet well-written character, and I can't help but sympathize with her. Pink Diamond really screwed her over for the sake of getting her own way. It's awful, honestly.  
I hope that if we ever see Spinel again in Season 6 or onwards, she's doing much better. It's the least she deserves after spending literally millenia by herself in a floating Garden in outer space.
> 
> Hopefully I can write some more Steven Universe Fics in the future!
> 
> Also, I got inspired to write this story after not only listening to the soundtrack for the movie, but also from listening to Fort Minor's "Where'd You Go?". It's a song that almost perfectly describes Spinel's situation. I highly recommend listening to it to fully immerse yourself!
> 
> Thank you so much for taking the time to read to the end of my story! I really appreciate it! Comments and kudos are always welcome, and will help me know that you enjoyed my Fic!


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